Impact of Death on Life

Many Americans read an article on death as a third person. Almost as an out of body experience. Reflecting their hopes that the information does not pertain to them or never will. Sadly the unwanted confronts them and they are facing end-of-life without being prepared. As a nurse with Hospice of McDowell County, Inc., working with families who have experienced life in ways most of us have yet to know, is a privilege. Through facing the challenges of preparing for death these families have persevered. My experience suggests that some families were prepared, while others were not.

I was not! I have an intimate knowledge of that journey, as both my parents are deceased. My father passed away 19 years ago and my mother acquiesce to complications of cancer 10 years ago. McDowell County was not privileged to provide hospice services even 10 years ago.

Since our family was not prepared, we struggled through our parents death and the aftermath. Consumed daily with grief, guilt and a desire of "wishing" we had known more about our parents wishes and desires, was the legacy left by being unprepared.

As I have worked in hospice with families where they chose to be prepared, a celebration of life, togetherness and acceptance permeated the patient's last months. Long after the patient's death, the family continued to celebrate life and share memories.

What was the common thread between the two families (those who were prepared and those who were not) - death. What made the difference? Choosing to communicate wishes for end-of-life care.

Death is not a social topic, unless it has happened to someone else. To talk of our own experience of leaving life too early is difficult.

Yet the impact of not communicating our "wishes" of what we want in our life journey (advance directives) with family and healthcare providers has far more drastic, irreversible implications to those we seek to love and protect.

After death these devastating emotional effects creep into the daily lives of our family. Grief & bereavement are normal after the loss of someone special, yet becomes more complicated with the excess baggage of guilt and despair wondering if they did things the "right" way, the way the patient wanted them done, wished for them to be done. Was is their favorite song? Favorite scripture? Did they want a feeding tube? What about CPR? Should I have had them put on a respirator? I was unable to ask so many unanswered questions.

As consumers of life - death is our next step. It is our responsibility to prepare for the future - spiritually, financially and physically. Researching, understanding and accepting an obligation to those we love. Advance Directives is a simple way to communicate our beliefs and ideas about end-of-life care.

I recently completed my living will, durable power of attorney and health care power of attorney. I have three children, 10, 17, & 18 years old - it was a difficult discussion, but an important one. After that discussion, my oldest child wrote out & discussed his will with us. Two months later he was in an accident. By God's grace, he & his friends were not hurt. The point is - it is never too early to plan and communicate your wishes.

Seek sound legal counsel; research your options and reflect on your beliefs then plan and communicate with your personal physician and family.